ASK THE EXPERTS
Sex and the SMW: "Why does everyone try so hard to set me up on dates?"
Women’s Relationships & Dating Advice
By Josie Brown, updated 6/29/2008 at 10:03:18 AM
 The simple answer is that they just want to see you happy. And since, in our friends’ and family’s minds, we’re happiest when we’re in love, is it any wonder they try so hard to play matchmaker?
You and your best friend may be joined at the hip, but she can still get it wrong when it comes to the kind of man who makes your heart go pitter-patter. Your boss might think his golfing partner is a straight-up kind of guy, but that doesn’t mean you’ll think so, too.
And yeah, sure you can forbid your mom from even mentioning another (oh so wrong) potential candidate for future son-in-law, but watch out: you may be pushing her to take some pretty desperate measures. Like, say, tracking you down on some Saturday morning so that she can spring Mr. Maybe on you, just after you've jogged to your favorite ’Bucks in a stretched-out pair of yoga pants and your old Milli Vanilli tee shirt, of course.
Not the best look for a first date, is it?
Before things get totally out of hand, Set this ground rule with your own personal Patti Stranger wannabe: Do ask; Do tell.
Then you do the same.
In other words, allow any and all matchmakers in your life to ask you if you'd like to be set up.
If your own radar has been spotty lately, you may actually appreciate the offer. That said, don't be afraid to ask a few questions yourself: you know, the who (he is), what (he’s like), why (he’s right for you), when (she’s planning to spring him on you), and where (she presumes your mystery date was to take place).
Don't like what you're hearing? Feel free to modify the parameters in a way that works best for you. If it's the where or the when, that's easy enough to change, right? But if it's the who or the what, don't cave on your instinct to say, “No thanks.” A real pal will respect your wishes.
And if you're truly not interested in dating right now, just say: “The timing just isn’t right for me …"
If she presses you as to why not, look her in the eye and tell her the truth: "I'm happy the way things are now."
A real friend respects your wishes, and is happy for you.
Have a question? Email Josie here . . .
|