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His Lips Unzipped: Guys and Online Porn
Women’s Relationships & Dating Advice
By Martin Brown, updated 6/29/2008 at 10:03:36 AM

Dear Martin: Help! I borrowed my boyfriend’s laptop one morning because I left mine at the office. I just happened to check-out his past page views on the web and discovered two dozen porn sites. Now I don’t dare say anything because he’ll be ticked that I was nosing around, but it creeps me out. He’s a great guy, and I don’t want to end our relationship, but I can’t see past his obsession with porn. Any suggestions?

– Tiffany P., in Houston, TX

Well beyond my first thought of telling you not to snoop, let me assure you that expecting a man not to look at porn online is like expecting a Washington lobbyist to never ask a politician for a favor. In other words, the opportunities to do what is perhaps considered morally wrong is just too tempting for about 98 percent of all guys.

Men are really tuned in to visual arousal. It’s not an obsession it’s how their wired. That doesn’t mean that women don’t appreciate a man on a beach with a great set of abs. But for a man the sight of naked bodies bumping and grinding lights up a part of his primative brain like a Christmas tree.

If you’re having relationship issues in or out of bed, deal with that honestly and directly. But don’t confuse his porn viewing with anything other than fantasy time. Trust me, if Neanderthals could have plugged into high-speed Internet service, there would have been a lot fewer paintings on the walls of those caves.

Do's and Don’ts When Online Porn Becomes an Issue in Your Relationship

Do be honest with yourself as to the source of your man’s curiosity. Leave a candy shop unlocked late at night and most guys are going to poke their heads in and take a look.

Don’t see those naked women doing a variety of amazing acts as your sexual competition. Most men easily distinguish fantasy from reality. He’s not coming home anytime soon with a collar and a whip.

Do feel free to talk about the issue if it comes out into the open. Sometimes he knows he’s been caught and if you want to tell him that it makes you uncomfortable for him to view porn, do just that. He’ll be more discreet about his viewing habits and you can live your life without his dirty little porn habits being under your nose.

Don’t play mommy. He doesn’t need you telling him that he’s been a bad little boy; unless, of course, you want to take a paddle to him while wearing only high heels, bra, and panties. That might be the best of both worlds!

More His Lips Unzipped Columns
Dating a Stare Master
Have I Bruised His Male Ego?
Romancing the Stone-Age Man
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©2007 His Lips Unzipped, by Martin Brown. Martin is co-author, along with his wife, Josie, of Marriage Confidential: 102 Honest Answers to All the Questions Every Husband Wants to Ask, and Every Wife Needs to Know.

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