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Abusive Bosses: When Enough Is Enough
SMW Women's Career & Job Advice
By Paula Santonocito, updated 10/21/2008 at 6:57:34 AM

Have you ever been bullied, belittled or intimidated by your boss?

Maybe the abuse wasn't as dramatic as when supermodel Naomi Campbell threw her cell phone and hit her now-former maid in the head, but bad behavior from the boss is far more common than you might think.

First, the Facts

A nationwide survey, conducted last year by Employment Law Alliance (ELA), a network of attorneys providing employment and labor expertise, finds 44 percent of American workers have worked for a supervisor they consider abusive.

Perhaps not surprising, the older you are, the more likely you've encountered an abusive boss.

Among workers 18 to 24 years of age, less than one-fourth, 24 percent, have experienced abuse by a supervisor. Among workers in the 25 to 34 age group, 37 percent have worked for an abusive boss. And the number of people continues to increase with age.

Nearly half, 49 percent, of survey respondents 35 to 44 say they've worked for a boss who demonstrated abusive behavior; likewise, 49 percent of workers 45 to 54 years of age have experienced an abusive boss. Meanwhile, among survey respondent 55 to 64, a majority, 56 percent, has worked for someone they consider abusive.

Even if a person hasn't been directly affected by a boss' abusive behavior, most workers have witnessed or heard about various types of workplace abuse.

The most common forms of supervisor abuse, according to the ELA survey, are:

- Making a sarcastic joke or teasing remark about you/co-worker

- Criticizing your/co-worker's performance in front of co-workers

- Interrupting you/co-worker in a rude manner

- Giving you/co-worker a dirty look

- Raising his/her voice/yelling at you/co-worker

- Ignoring you/co-worker as if you/he/she was invisible

- Personally insulting you/co-worker

- Demeaning/embarrassing you/co-worker in person/by email

- Spreading rumors/inappropriately sharing confidential information about you/co-worker

Been There

If you're nodding as you read this, you've obviously been there.

The boss in question is hopefully a memory; but even so, you probably remember the experience in great detail.

Abusive bosses create extremely unpleasant work environments. They also zap employees' energy and have the potential to negatively impact self-esteem.

While working for the abusive boss, you may have found a way to deal with the situation. Perhaps you transferred to another department within the same company. Maybe you got a job elsewhere. Or the boss might have moved on.

Still, people tend to look back on these situations wishing they'd taken a stand against the abuse.

How would you handle the situation if it were to occur now?

More importantly, how do you handle an abusive boss if this is your first encounter with such a being?

Taking Charge

In her book, “Toxic People: Decontaminate Difficult People at Work Without Using Weapons or Duct Tape," Marsha Petrie Sue offers insight into toxic personality types and advice on how to deal with them.

Here you'll find The Steamroller, The Zipper Lip, The Backstabber, The Know-It-All, The Needy Weenie, and The Whine and Cheeser. Each toxic type is described in detail, and Petrie Sue provides matter-of-fact advice. Among other information, she tells you what to look for, what to say, and behaviors you should avoid in dealing with each of these types of co-workers.

You may immediately recognize one or more of Petrie Sue's toxic characters. Indeed, your boss may be one of them.

But simply knowing how to interact with The Steamroller, for example, doesn't address all aspects of the employee/boss relationship. Petrie Sue understands this and covers the boss dilemma in the chapter called “Plotting Toxic Cleanup.”

Appropriately called “Plotting to Manage Toxic Bosses,” the section offers practical advice for getting to the root of the problem and resolving it.

"It doesn't matter if your boss is any one of the six toxic types or a combination of several types. You have choices on how to handle the problem. Some people are irritating but seldom really harmful to you and your career, whereas others are really out to get you. This is where your personal responsibility lies—to distinguish one from the other,” Petrie Sue writes.

The author is a big advocate of personal responsibility, and she strongly believes in coming up with a plan for addressing toxic co-workers, including bosses.

Part of that plan involves anticipating the outcome of your actions.

Can't Take It Anymore

Attempting to manage a toxic boss isn't easy, and, as Petrie Sue points out, it may have repercussions.

She therefore recommends that you review the cost of approaching your boss, and ask yourself what might be the fallout. In addition, you have to ask yourself another question: What is the cost of doing nothing?

Because each situation is different, and dependent on a variety of circumstances and personal factors, there is no right or wrong answer. Plus, in truth, only you know when you've had enough and can't take it anymore.

If you have definitely reached that point, and have weighed the potential consequences, come up with a plan and confront your abusive boss.

Best case scenario, the situation improves; worst case scenario, you'll find yourself looking for another job—one with a better boss.

Addressing a Widespread Problem

Unfortunately, as the ELA survey points out, abusive bosses are not uncommon.

Aside from confronting each toxic supervisor on an individual basis, can anything be done to change this situation?

ELA survey findings suggest one possible solution: 64 percent of American workers think an employee who has been abused by a supervisor or employer should have the right to sue that supervisor and their employer to recover damages.

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